Radioactive Yogurt: Morally Inconsistent

What is moral consistency?

That which I preach and therefore I believe in, I do. It is the sense of integrity.

What about it then?

Just recently, I have discovered how inconsistent I am, especially in my dealings with my family, specifically to my little brother.

I often find myself in heated discussions with my brother about how life should be, how certain activities and values need to be prioritized (studying before social networking or playing games; damn this apps), focus over multi-tasking, or freedom "limited" by consequences to other people over absolute freedom. In all of these, I find myself inconsistent in two glaringly embarrassing instances.

First, and less embarrassing, I am not perfectly complying with the examples above myself.

I sometimes play and socialize (in social networks) before studying. I still find difficulty in veering away from multi-tasking, i.e. annoyingly persistent tab-switching in Chrome or going on Chrome in the first place when I'm on Adobe Reader or MS Word too! The infidelity!

I have to admit that I am perhaps a doctorate-degree holder in procrastinating, but not until July came. I have renounced my years-nurtured degree strongly as ever early this month and find myself winning against tempting distractions. Yes, it is still inconsistent, embarrassing, but I am confident I will have full control of my mind soon.

There you go. You may now throw pebbles at me for that.

Second (and the real shame) is how I presuppose that I am superior to most others.

It is perhaps something that I have espoused as a valuable instinct early in my childhood. In my heated discussions with my brother about what is a well-lived life, I do listen to him (and please do not mind my hypocrisy above yet, but first the argument in itself for now). I honestly attempt to understand his position and why his behavior is such, i.e. spoiled. After listening to him, I say my position showing comparison and contrast of his position with reason and future rewards because of more mature decision. Then I impose my position. But even if my position was much more reasonable and carries with it years of experience, my brother reinforces his barrier. We're now at an impasse. And no one's better off than before the discussion.

For months, I have never bothered thinking how to resolve this discussion, because deep within I know it is already resolved. I am right, and he is wrong. His stand is more selfish, while my stand think about others along the way. I thought to myself that I will just wait and see him grow to understand what I mean. Anyway, I was a bit like that in high school.

I COULD NOT HAVE BEEN MORE WRONG.

After some public shaming on a certain social networking site because I and my brother regrettably turned physical, I was contacted by whom I consider a life mentor. (And he might not know that. Sorry about that, Mentor, but know that I am eternally grateful for the life lesson.) From our exchange I learned that I was putting to wrong use my debater identity. Dealing with others is more definitely different with dealing with debaters. I was proving my brother wrong in exchange for making the situation much worse. My brother is more hurt in every discussion. I have considered his life experiences to be of no importance.

And that is most embarrassing.

I believe that each is entitled to his/her own. We cannot impose a belief upon another because we have different life experiences no matter how similar (for example, being raised in the same home). As individuals, we can suggest, influence, and persuade, but not impose. The final decision rests upon the individual. In my preclusion of my brother's experiences, I am effectively imposing what I believe in based on my experience alone. I was morally inconsistent.

Hate me for these. I will even beg you to. One has a moral obligation to denounce moral inconsistencies. But please do not preclude me from becoming a better person. I hope to be one. I fervently desire to be one.

And in writing that, I just realized what hating actions and not the person mean.

After some more exchange, I understood that the best approach is to sit down with my brother as equals, no prejudice whatsoever, and think of a resolution together. I am not only a person for others (as how my university shows me), but a person with others.

Life is a series of experiments all under one coherent yet incredibly overwhelming mother experiment. Laziness, embarrassment, and damaged pride should not preclude me from continuously checking up on the experiment, discarding unsound hypotheses, and reinvigorating the experiment with new hypotheses - even if its unsettling because of its newness.