CHAPTER 2
I've been remembering my dreams lately.
And if you're asking me if these dreams are about that girl I've described to you a while ago, yes and no. I cannot lie, so yes, it's about her. But I don't want to accept it, so no.
I guess we all have that moment when we know we'll lose the fight but we still fight no matter how futile. So, I still say no.
Anyway, I've never been that fond of dreams. They just happen, you know. It's like after you wake up you're like "woah, that was epic" or "shit, glad that was just a dream" and you linger for a moment, close your eyes just for a moment - 3, 2, 1, open them - then you move on. That's pretty much the amount of time you spend on living in the dream, right?
Well, I'm not sure now. If I'm the protagonist and she's the leading lady in that dream, I don't think I want to decide which world I should live in. You know that kind of feeling? There's this term for that. Let me think about it.
Passive-aggressive? That's too colloquial, too run-of-the-mill. That won't do. I'd rather use a word that gives justice to her elegance in my dreams. Think deeper.
Ambivalence? Ambivalence! That's the freaking I'm-an-awesome-writer term! So, yes, I want to be ambivalent to this. I know where I should live, but at the same time I don't want to acknowledge it, because when you acknowledge it, memories in the dream inevitably fade except for the fact that you dreamt about it. Sometimes, even that fades as well. So, I choose to be ambivalent, so that the memory stays a bit longer.
But, man, does the message of these dreams suck. My dreams have been telling me the most obvious of goddamn things - that I like this girl, and that I like her quite a lot. And the feeling after, goddamn.
Can we please stop? If there's anything more certain than day, that's that. So, stop. Please.
You now might be asking what these dreams were about. The two most recent were definitely interesting. Let me tell you the first one. The other one? Perhaps for a later time. I don't want to bore you with too much detail. Well then, here I go.
Out of nowhere, we - she, I, and a guy I don't recognize - were out in the open highway and riding an American-style tricycle looking for a place where we could stay. The driver was the I-don't-know-who-this-is guy. (Maybe she knew this guy.) Anyway, I knew we were up to no good. A ghost hunt, maybe? I can tell. I'm certain.
How?
The highway was spooked with tall dark trees, the shadows of which tell you that they're haunted as hell. You've definitely watched horror movies, right? Films about the supernatural marketing the thrill of a scare. It felt like a scene from one of those films. And we were the foolish humans who found nothing interesting in the world of the living. (Perhaps, the guy I don't know was our tour guide.)
Continuing the story, we were out on this highway and the guy was driving fast. Imagine that you see this through a gray camera filter. And as he drove and we rode, the wind caresses us - unceasing and strong. The feeling of the wind on our faces foretells something. It was like a good-bye kiss, a kiss that tells you that you won't be coming back anytime soon, or a kiss that greets you welcome to a world beyond comprehension. I'm not sure which. But either would also tell you that this scene is straight out of a horror movie.
Cut the driving and the wind-kissing and we found ourselves in front of what seemed like an abandoned hotel. It seemed abandoned, except that it wasn't; there was an attendant at the main lobby! But he left a nice impression on me. I don't quite remember, but I'm sure he seemed like somebody I could trust even though you realize that everything was haunted and goddamn scary and that you may be living a horror film for the moment.
We were told which of the rooms were ours, but we don't know exactly where our room was. We were just given the keys and a few instructions. There was no elevator, so we used the stairs. All should be fine and dandy except that the hotel was like a maze. It definitely didn't have a one-track staircase. The stairs going to the second floor wasn't immediately connected to that going to the third, and the third to the fourth, and so on. (I guess our room was on the 6th or 7th.) So, we had to move around in the darkness of the lobbies and look for the stairs going up then our room.
We were talking as we were looking for our rooms. But I can't remember the dialogue. I guess we were enjoying the thrill too much as we stumble from one dark dead end to another. These dead ends looked as if the stairs should have been placed there. I'm no architect of haunted houses, so I didn't judge.
Without much happening, we found our rooms and finally lied down and rested. The ghost hunt will probably happen tomorrow, I thought. Or were we just lost in our journey to somewhere, we just had to take a break, and this after all is not a ghost hunt? I don't know. Anyhow, we were on separate beds, needless to say, but I remember striking a conversation with her. After saying those words, I rose up from bed, walked to hers, sat on the edge of her bed, looked to my right which was a window, and peered through it. I saw an old building that reminded me of my high school. It was definitely haunted for all I know. And I distinctly saw the laboratory. It dawned on me that this must have been the reason why we were there in that hotel. We might be investigating that building, if not the hotel. But, it's time to sleep. I felt so sure that it was time to sleep that I can't argue with whoever is coming up with these ideas. I then made sure to close the window curtains so as not to see anything yet as if keeping my audience in suspense.
Then, slowly, I looked at her. She looked back at me. (The other guy now seemingly fading to the background.) We exchanged a few words which I cannot remember.
Then when all of a sudden, I woke up.
What was I feeling then? Scared? Shocked? For some reason I don't want to comprehend, happy. Even though I know I should be quite afraid, I was goddamn happy.
Now, where should I be living? On one hand, there's this haunted dream and on the other in my home.
I don't know. I don't freaking know.
It doesn't matter.
For now, at least.
So, I closed my eyes - 3, 2, 1 ---
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