Conversations after a pilgrimage

Average Me: It's been a very long time since we've last talked like this. When was it? Around August of '15, right? 

Buddha Me: Yes, around that time. 

Average Me: Why have you left?

Buddha Me: It is not that I left, but it is more about you exploring other perspectives deeply. 

Average Me: What does that mean? That you had always been there? 

Buddha Me: Yes. 

Average Me: Exploring other perspectives deeply? 

Buddha Me: Redefining yourself. Don't we disregard, if not discard, part of ourselves when we try to redefine who we are? 

Average Me: So, I neglected you? 

Buddha Me: Sort of. 

Average Me: I'm sorry. 

Buddha Me: Hahaha. It's no problem. We've grown together anyway. 

Average Me: Thank you for understanding. 

Buddha Me: You're welcome. 

Average Me: If you don't mind, I would like to seek guidance once again. 

Buddha Me: Whatever it is I can help you with. Go ahead. 

Average Me: Thank you. I would just like to know if you think that I'm a lying, cheating asshole. 

Buddha Me: Are you? 

Average Me: No, I don't think so. 

Buddha Me: Then so be it. 

Average Me: So be it? 

Buddha Me: Yes, so be it. 

Average Me: Nothing more to it? 

Buddha Me: Yes. Why is it that you're so bothered? 

Average Me: I mean, I understand that what others think don't matter as much as how I know myself, but I just can't take how people see me for someone I am not. 

Buddha Me: Then let them be. Focus on yourself, becoming the best version of yourself, and doing good. That's all there is to it.

Average Me: But it pains me. 

Buddha Me: Of course. Because you don't completely believe that you are not, in your words, "a lying, cheating asshole". 

Average Me: No, I do. 

Buddha Me: Then why does it pain you? 

Average Me: Because someone important to me doesn't believe that. 

Buddha Me: Then that only means you don't fully believe yourself? 

Average Me: How is that the case? 

Buddha Me: Do we really live for ourselves? 

Average Me: No, of course.

Buddha Me: Do we live for others? 

Average Me: Yes and no. We don't live for others completely. 

Buddha Me: Then who are these "others" that we live for?

Average Me: Those people who matter.

Buddha Me: Exactly. 

Average Me: What does that mean? 

Buddha Me: You don't completely believe you are not what you deny you are because you have failed important "others" to see you for who you think you are. 

Average Me: But shouldn't they just accept me for who I am? I fully believe in what I believe.

Buddha Me: Think of a pyramid. From its triangular face, you can see that it's triangular. From the top or from the bottom, it's a square. If I ask what shape he sees to a person looking at the pyramid's triangular face, he will say it's a triangle. If the person looks from a top view or sees only the bottom, he will say it's a square. Now, is either of them lying? 

Average Me: No, they're both telling the truth. It's a cliche, but it's "a matter of perspective". 

Buddha Me: Exactly. 

Average Me: So, I failed them, right? And as a result, I failed myself, right?

Buddha Me: Have you? 

Average Me: Yes, I did.

Buddha Me: So, be it. But do good. It doesn't end here. What is truly important to you? 

Average Me: The best for those important others. 

Buddha Me: And? 

Average Me: And myself. 

Buddha Me; That's right. Find the balance. Find your balance. 

*long silence

Average Me: I guess, I'm really an asshole, aren't I? 

Buddha Me: Are you? 

Average Me: Just an asshole though. 

Buddha Me: So be it. 

Average Me: Yes, so be it. 

*long silence

Average Me: Thank you. 

Buddha Me: You're welcome.